Monday, January 21, 2008

Just another reason why California ROCKS!!!

Let's talk about the middle of this glorious country of ours shall we. Personally I find the people from there both lovable and charming, it's just too bad the weather out there isn't better. Call me a spoiled Californian, I don't care. All I have to say is a least I don't have to worry about my shit freezing if it's left outside for more than 5 minutes.

Here's the call I got today....over and over and over.

Caller: "Hi my name is (insert Midwestern name here, something like Bob Smith, or Baaaab Smith as they say it) and I received my most recent wine shipment today. I got two bottled and they are both frozen solid with the corks popped out."

Me: "Oh no, Bob sounds like you have quite the problem on your hands there. Was the wine left outside?"

Caller: "Well, the UPS man left it on my porch just an hour ago. It is pretty dern cold oot' there though, it's been well below freezing for the past few days."

Me: "Well Bob, sounds like I need to have a conversation with UPS. I will go ahead and send you out some replacement bottles this week..."

Caller: "Oh noo, I think you should hold onto them til this weather lets up."

Me: "OK, Bob when would you like them shipped?"

Caller: "Well, it should warm up here again in May or so, could you send them then?"

Me: "Yes Bob, yes I can."

Today is January 21st, and it's going to be that frick'in cold until MAY or so!?!?!? How do people live like this? F that! Snow and ice are miserable, VIVA CALIFORNIA!

Monday, January 7, 2008


I wrote this awhile ago but I find it pretty enjoyable. An ode to the cluster fuck that is DTJ's....

Good people of Napa lend me your ears!!!!
Ban this piece of crap restaurant! I won't even dignify it with the title of BAR b/c it's not worthy. First off, who are you Mr. DTJ to think you can get away with charging a cover in Napa? Tell you what I'll make you a deal, hold my five dollars and IF I can walk in a have a drink in my hand within 5 minutes you can keep it. If not, you should pay me for all the precious moments of my life that have been wasted waiting for your bartenders to quit handing out free drink to their buddies and breaking up fights.

Secondly, work on your bottle flipping skills on your own time. DTJ's bartenders are not Tom Cruise and this in not Cocktail. Make me my drink, do it right the first time then work on throwning the matchbook down the counter.

There is not one good thing about this place. They should just shut it down and turn it into an AA treatment center. Or maybe just doze it and make new parking lot, that would be handy for when I go down town to have a few cocktails at one of the more respectable bars.