Listen here....

you clippy shoed bastards! That's right I'm talking at all you damn road bikers out there. Nothing sends me into a blind rage quicker than a pack of you self entitled a-holes riding four across in MY LANE!!! Think I'm unjustified? Here's my list of annoying ass shit that you do to prove my point.

1. The Outfits. No grown person needs to be wearing that much spandex in public. This goes double for all you sicko's over the age of 30 that think this bike apparel is for everyone. Umm it's not, and really I don't think you need to wear something so offensive outside of some sort of race. I've seen enough old man junk outlines in the past week to keep me for a lifetime. Fricken gross man, ewwww. And the butt pads? That the hell is that? If you are doing something that hurts your ass so bad you have to wear a pad maybe it's not such a good idea to begin with. Only exceptions will be made for Olympic bike racers, winner of the Tour de France and Michael Phelps (what can I say the boy does look amazing in a speedo). This crap is just a big FU to fashion and I refuse to condone it.

2. The Clippy Shoes. I realize is still a part of the outfit but these things are so awful and offensive I feel the need to give them there own category. In case you haven't noticed these things are f-ing annoying. Every time I hear the tippy tapping of the shoes coming behind me I know there is some annoying ass road biker looking to mooch water and not buy any wine. Also, what's wrong with normal shoes and normal bike petals? Do the clippy shoes make you faster?

3. The Lack of Common Courtesy. That's right I said it, you people are rude. You ride 4 across on busy mountain roads. You give dirty looks and/or the finger to cars when they get within 5 feet of you, pardon me for not wanting the cross over a double yellow line so you can continue swerving your merry ass all over the road. On top of that, you come into places smelling like a freakin' refugee, do us all a favor an wear deodorant.

4. You don't own the world b/c you own a bike. I know that this may be a hard concept for most of you to grasp but it's true. NO ONE cares that you road bike. NO ONE thinks it's cool. NO ONE wants to deal with serving your smelly, clippy shoed, spandex clad ass and answering your stupid questions.

5. Napa is not France. Yes we have some similarities to France but we are not them. Nor do we support your Tour de France wannabe endeavors. Every year it's the same crap, the Tour comes on and people bust out there bike and start riding roads they have no business on like they are Lance Fucking Armstrong. Trust me you will not be "Living Strong" when you get run off the road off a cliff on Montecello Road. Same thing on Silverado Trail and Highway 29. These are DANGEROUS ROADS people! You have zero right of way here, none. So stop complaining about it. You don't complain about having a bike path on I-5 and that's a pretty major road. Just because you want to enjoy the beauty of Napa from your bike seat does not mean you get to f-up everyone elses day.

Walk talk into the fire....

Play with fire and you will get burned....an old adage that I find to not always be true. Granted playing with fire may leave you a bit singed and quite possibly leave a hole or two in your favorite sweater but necessarily burned per say.

I've been thinking about this whole "playing with fire" thing a lot lately, trying to pinpoint when one decides it's OK to do things that they know aren't a good decision. It starts small, like buying fancy soap because it smells better, even though the regular soap smells just fine. Or enjoying a cigarette, despite the fact that it's a disgusting habit and sure to kill you, but you only do it when you drink so somewhere it's justified. Flirt with someone who's attached just to see what happens. See how far you can push until your world bursts into flames. Millions of tiny rebellions over the years that eat away at your moral core. Then, one day you wake up and you realize just how many little moral compromises you've made to become who you are today. Try as you may to justify them there's no putting it all to rights again.

So confession time. Have I played with fire? Yes. Did I get burned? Not bad enough to leave any permanent scars. Would I do it again? Yes, in a heartbeat. Will I do it again? Every chance I get. Why? Because I can. And there my friends, there lies the number one benefit to adulthood.....because I can. Liberating is it not?

Most Bad-Ass present ever...

Best birthday present ever!!!! And fun for the whole family. I heart them hardcore, I'm just counting the days til we can try them out at the A's tailgate next season!!

Check then out - http://cacornhole.com/jacki/

Thanks A-Law n' K-Diddles!

The Most Beautiful Bride of the Season!

One can only aspire to be this put together. :)

My two BFF's from college got married this weekend! She was the prettiest bride ever and I, of course, was a bridesmaid. This was by far one of the best weddings ever! Aside from the bride looking amazing and my fellow bridesmaids giggling through the whole ceremony, the bride and her sisters preformed "the lift" a la Dirty Dancing!

Congratulations A & J! Love you both!

Tequila and International Law Enforcement.

A brief overview of my first to days in Mexico.....

Sunday
5pm - Arrived at Shady Mexican resort.
5:05 pm - Checked into Resort, receive drinking bracelet.
5:06pm - Inquired why there were men with guns outside.
5:07pm - Was informed there was a Mexican police Officers conference @ the resort.
8 pm - Freaked out b/c Benita was lost and got ready to call the American consulate.
8:01pm - Found Benita and cried. Went in search of tequila.
10pm - Wondered why the Mexican police men always walk around with their LARGE guns at the ready.
10:01 pm - Questioned my safety
11pm - Locked myself in my room and passed out due to travel exhaustion.

Monday
10am- Met Benita poolside and started drinking beers 2 at a time.
11am - Got into the pool and started drinking Tequila & Beer (yes that counts as one cocktail, don't judge me!)
11:05am - began making new friends at the pool while drinking Tequila & Beer.
5pm - Got out of the pool to find Benita, who has once again disappeared.
7pm - Passed out due to in take of Tequila & Beer.

I love being on vacation