Life is a little less shiney....

When you find out the one that got away is ridiculously successful and happy......Yeah, that one stings just the tiniest bit. I mean yes there's pain and jealousy issues there and over the years they have slowly faded to only mildly annoying pin pricks, but you always "want the best" for that person despite it all. Getting the "Life is Wonderful" bomb thrown on you will turn those annoying little pins into jabs of a switchblade in no time.

In my world, however, there's a limit to what "best" gets to entail. "Best" should be that they are an 9 out of 10 when it comes to really taking a hard look at their life. Things are good (aside from the tiny pin pricks, it's only fair they have them too), but not perfect and they can live with that. For example, best does not mean the other person winning the lotto, but winning a few scheckles in your weekly pocker game is cool. This does not mean I hope they get to ride off into the sunset with the girl of their dreams and it most certainly does not mean I hope they stumble into an amazing career and be all successful and happy.

Am I bitter? Maybe. Do I feel like being over or above it all? Not really. Should I not Google when I can't handle all possible results? Probably. These are all realizations one comes to when attempting to live life like an adult.

I bow to your marketing prowess....

This is the single best marketing ploy I've seen from a winery in a long time. Hive fives to you Firestone Vineyards, high fives to you!! I'm super jealous I didn't think of this first. I hope they do lots more trips to cool spots around the globe, I'll go ahead and volunteer for blogging from Bora Bora.....

By the way I'm going to win this so watch for my Inca-rrrific blog posts this April!!

Only Martha.....

Could plate a baby and get away with it!!!!

Also yet another reason I shouldn't be left to babysit....I will dress your child like a fancy food the plate them on a bed of lemons. Don't tempt me lady!! Doooooon't you tempt me!!

Quote of the day.....

“They’re like little bags of meat on legs, but they’re also just so bloody cute. They look a little like koalas at that size.”

To put this into context, here's a picture of a "little meatbag". They kind of look like Snuggle the bear huh? Silly Kiwi's.

Babydoll Sheep (OMG the cuteness)

Snuggle the creepy fabic softener bear

Chance's are.....

I'm not going to like your girlfriend.

Sorry to say manfriends but it's true. It's pretty rare that I deem a woman good enough, smart enough or pretty enough to be with the men in my life. Not that I don't think she's cool and prefectly acceptable for some other smuck out there, I just hold the women you date to a higher standard.

That is all.

Marshmallows are a sticky situation....

Anyone that knows me knows I hate marshmallows. They are disgusting and I can't even get them anywhere near my mouth area without wanting to barf. However, it has recently come to light that my gag reflex is OK with homemade marshmallows. Imagine that and the world of marshmallow things that could potentially become available to me! OK so it may just be s'mores but still that's exciting.

Last night I found out that once again, Martha Stewart can bite me, because marshmallows are not as easy to make as they seem. . . . . .or maybe I shouldn't be drinking while making them. Needless to say batch #1 was a total failure! Don't you worry marshmallows, I'll be back to conquer you with a vengence. . . . . . . .as soon as I get a stand mixer.

Strawberry Fields Forever.....

Please observe this photo. Note that I have marked the proximity of the BEST STRAWBERRY STAND IN THE WORLD to my house.

I totally understand if your jealousy and envy are too much to control right now. It is a pretty awesome set up. I'm predicting some fresh strawberry jam and for sure some amazing strawberry cocktails to be made within one week. Straw-tini anyone?

I heart the simple life.....

You have to love your town when this is the worst thing posted on the local police log.....

"A 6-year-old child in the lobby said he was twirling with his eyes closed at a gymnastics class on Adams Street. When he opened his eyes everyone was gone, so he walked to the PD. An officer reunited him with his parent."

True story, I swear!

Damnit Martha......

Seriously? Who has time for this crap? I really want to like you but you are going to need to stop sending me INSANE craft ideas like this, it's making me feel like a subpar human being and crafter.....

Crafting and such.....

Few things from my crafty world today.....

1) Last night I finished the crocheted part of my crazy Japanese pattern bag. It's really inspired me to go out and find more of these patterns b/c it looks so cool. Now all I have to do it line it but it's going to be SICK. Look out friends, I may be mass producing these and gifting them so put in your color preference now!

Get the pattern and so many more here (for free!).

2) I have found the best craft site ever in the history of the world. OK that's a bit dramatic, but I'm all about it right now. http://www.esty.com/ Visit it, love it, buy my crap.

3) And for today's "What-the-fuck-ever-Martha" moment I give you this.......

Yeah, that's a rose made out of tissue paper, like I'm supposed to have time to just whip that shit up in my spare time. Damn you Martha, just when I feel like I'm getting on top of my crafting game you raise the bar. Damn you infernal woman!

HOWEVER, I do feel that my bag is way cooler than this sillly paper flower so there! :)

4) BIG PLANS tonight, Snuggies have been pimped and are ready to take SF by storm! Bring it on Polk Street! I'll report back later with tales of our evening....

Oh the cuteness.....

So much better than having a real nephew. Welcome to the family little Remi.

Have MERCY

Rocco's new album, Mercy, drops tomorrow 3.10.09. My copy shipped yesterday. We will also be banding togehter in support at the Independent in SF on Wednesday night for yet another bad ass RBD show!

What have you done to support Indie Rock today? Hummmmmm???

Cute photos of my friend's kids.....

Babies are so not for me. HOWEVER, my friends kids are just stupid cute......

Dustin of the Van Zante's - When not posing for yet another super cute photo, Dustin enjoys a game of peek-a-bo, swings and going out and about with Mom & Dad. Also has an affinity for licking things and wearing stylish outfits picked out by his dear Mommy. Lock up your daughters boys this one's going to be a heart breaker.

Maddie May of the Corallos - This little butter bean is really coming into her own when it comes to posing for a quick snap shot. Maddie loves chill'in with her Mommy & Daddy, eating rice cereal and rocking her faux-hawk. Can you say fierce? Oh I think so. Look out Tyra, this little stylista is the winner of ANTM season 35.

Baron Von Rohti - OK, I know this one is a puppy but he's sooooooo cute. Look at him, he has a few good years of chewing up shit ahead of him but I think he's going to be an excellent addition to the UHG! Congratulations on your new addition ALaw!

Damn you CNN.....

I tuned into CNN online today to watch Barack be sworn in. After jumping through several hoops to get the player going I got this message....

Damn you CNN, damn you and your fancy Internet streaming video! You forced me to go old school and listen to the inauguration of the radio like my grandmother. I curse you CNN, Curse you to live out all of your days reporting on dull uninteresting topics. May FOX NEWS break all major stories from now until the end of time!!

Only highpoint, watching G-Dub and his plastic face wife leave the Whitehouse for good. Peace out bitch!

Dear Martha,

I have a very love/hate relationship with you (yeah nice photo-op with the friggin' reindeer). When I was young I was certain you were the devil. Then you did some jail time and I admired your mad street-cred. I supported your comeback, telling myself you have paid your debt to society. Now there are days where I think you are some sort of cruel joke the universe is playing on the women of America. And I question my own morals for being a fan. Who do you think you are getting all home economics on me and setting impossible standards? I swear one of these days it's going to come out that you and Beyonce are from some robot factory that makes perfect women run by Mattthew Brodrick and Christopher Walken.

I recently received this as my Martha Stewart Cookie of the Day Recipe. Note that this is some sort of peanut buttle bar thing with a woven chocolate top, cut into perfectly perfect squares. YOU BITCH. This little email blast of yours has sent me into a blind rage.No seriously, how the hell am I supposed to make that? Run home and create some sort of woven cookie sheet for all of my peanut butter bar needs? Damn you Martha, damn you straight to hell.

I also watched you talk over then hang up on the new White House Chef. It was very "You are the weakest link......GOODBYE!" I'm not sure what the guy did to piss you off but you were ready for a commercial break and had no interest in whatever he had to say in closing. I think you need to get some interview skills from Barbra Walters or Connie Chung.

In short, please improve the 'tude and send me recipes that don't make me hate myself.

Thank you, good day.

It will me mine.

I've decided that I will me winning the new 2009 HGTV Dream Home. All of you other hopefuls can just stop your needless entering now. Here's my new house.....

You can take a tour of my new house here. I think my favorite part is the kitchen, and the outdoor kitchen. Can you say PAR-TAY??

I'll be accepting reservations for summer in Sonoma as soon as I have my new keys. You can also go online now ans select what gifts HGTV is giving me for my housewarming party.