The Most Beautiful Bride of the Season!

One can only aspire to be this put together. :)

My two BFF's from college got married this weekend! She was the prettiest bride ever and I, of course, was a bridesmaid. This was by far one of the best weddings ever! Aside from the bride looking amazing and my fellow bridesmaids giggling through the whole ceremony, the bride and her sisters preformed "the lift" a la Dirty Dancing!

Congratulations A & J! Love you both!

Tequila and International Law Enforcement.

A brief overview of my first to days in Mexico.....

Sunday
5pm - Arrived at Shady Mexican resort.
5:05 pm - Checked into Resort, receive drinking bracelet.
5:06pm - Inquired why there were men with guns outside.
5:07pm - Was informed there was a Mexican police Officers conference @ the resort.
8 pm - Freaked out b/c Benita was lost and got ready to call the American consulate.
8:01pm - Found Benita and cried. Went in search of tequila.
10pm - Wondered why the Mexican police men always walk around with their LARGE guns at the ready.
10:01 pm - Questioned my safety
11pm - Locked myself in my room and passed out due to travel exhaustion.

Monday
10am- Met Benita poolside and started drinking beers 2 at a time.
11am - Got into the pool and started drinking Tequila & Beer (yes that counts as one cocktail, don't judge me!)
11:05am - began making new friends at the pool while drinking Tequila & Beer.
5pm - Got out of the pool to find Benita, who has once again disappeared.
7pm - Passed out due to in take of Tequila & Beer.

I love being on vacation

A cruel joke.

OK, Just got home form wedding #3 of the season. Feel free to tell me if I'm out of line here but I was a little bit offended when I saw this "thing" sitting where my Champagne glass was supposed to be.

OK, I'm not being petty here but LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE CHAMPAGNE GLASS????? It's TINY like a little elf glass! I also should inform you that it's sitting next to an 8 oz wine glass and it still looks tiny!! WTF??

Roller Coasters, Pink wigs and Kareoke Bars

As you all know I've been on the wedding circuit for the past several months, no scratch that...past several years. Bridal showers, brunches, rehearsal dinners, bachelorette parties pre-wedding, post-wedding, wedding wedding wedding!!! This past weekend was no different, spent the same way every other weekend of my single existence, at a Bachelorette party. This one was thrown by my good friend Benita, who has turned out to the MOH (that's Maid of Honor for all you lucky non wedding goers) de juor.


The day started by picking up the bride at 8am, and hour I've been seeing WAY to often for a Saturday these days, then waiting for a half an hour for one of the bridesmaids to arrive. Can't blame her, it was a Saturday after all. Once everyone was wrangled into the car we set course for Great America for a day of rollercoasters and sneeky binge drinking. We arrived a hour late but Benita greeted us with fancy Bachelorette tank tops anyway. After donning our new duds we headed into the park camelpacks loaded with delicious booze.


After a few rides, Benita treated us all to a wonderful tri-tip sandwich picnic (and of course more cocktails) out in the parking lot. It was a fantastic time and WAY more affordable than the food inside the park, I highly recommend the parking lot picnic to all amusement park goers. Once we were all stuffed to the gills we headed back in for just one or two more rides before calling it a day. We hit up Top Gun (now called flight deck.....LAME) for our last ride of the day, it's still my favorite roller coaster ever. SO MUCH FUN.



We rolled back to the hotel for the free happy hour and helped ourselves to the free popcorn and 3 free drinks each. We even talked the bartendress into making us doubles. Once we polished off our cocktails Benita rounded us all up and back to the rooms. Once in our room Benita handed me a bag filled with the nights "goodies". I took one peek in the and fell in love with the neon pink wig on the top of the bag. I snatched it out and had it only head before you could say here comes the bride. "Benny I'm totally wearing this!" I shouted as I went to go get the girls in the other room as fired up about the night as I was. I topped my out fit off with a black dress (complete with plenty-o-cleavage) and some 4 inch heels.


The party, now clad in neon wigs and feather boa's, rolled out to the Cheesecake factory for a very late dinner. We waited almost 45 minutes for a table, this is after Diana (name not changed b/c she's a bitch) would not let us make a reservation over the phone, we were moved to waiting area #2 where we waited another 10 minutes to be seated. One can only imagine my level of annoyance at this point. Finally we got to out table to be greeted by a lovely young man named Tim (again name not changed, but b/c he was awesome). Tim and Benita hit it off very well and the troubles of getting a table were son forgotten.

Dinner and several cocktails later (thanks Timmy for keeping the booze train on track) we teetered out of the Cheesecake Factory onto the streets of San Jose. MOH Benita lead us all into downtown San Jo to the worlds tiniest, most local karaoke bar ever! Allow me to set the scene, 8 bachelorettes, dolled up for a night on the town roll into a "fancy" dive bar where drunken Google employees are belting out "Crocodile Rock" at the top of there lungs. I was unaware that is was possible to sign that song out of tune but somehow they managed it. So sticking out like sore thumbs we wiggled our way to the bar and got drinks preparing ourselves to show up the Google IT department. Then, much to our shigrin, we learned the the Karaoke list was full for he night. BUST! We then downed our cocktails and teetered back to the cars to go back to the Hotel for our own Karaoke party.

Once we got back to the hotel we were all asleep in less than a half hour. How lame are we? Sucks getting old!

Rocco @ the Utah

Can we pause for a minute and talk about how FANTASTIC Rocco Deluca is? Seriously, let's take a moment.

Hit up the second Residency show at The Utah in SF on Tuesday night. If you haven't been run, don't walk to grab tickets for the last show next Tuesday 8/26. I'll be there against my better judgement.

We walked in early to get a table in the front and to my surprise and delight there he was! Just standing out amoung the people shooting the breeze! What an awesome guy right? Anyway, we sat through the opening groups, they were OK. Then on comes Rocco and for the next 45 minutes the entire house was in rapture. Loved it all and can't wait to go back fro show #3 next week!

4 Dresses going on 27....

"Which do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season?"

Christmas.......... hands freaking down Christmas! With my collection of dresses taking up an ever increasing amount of space in my closet I beg the question, why? Why do this to your friends? I know being in a wedding is an honor and I'm happy to do it for my friends and family, but come on!?!?! Weddings and the amount of $$ spent on them is getting out of control. The amount of Money I spend on then is out of control.

And this has brought me to a major life decision, I will not be having a wedding. That's right, me and whoever are just going to run off and do it. On attendants, just us and maybe some family and close friends. The budget will be less than what most folks spend on their crappy DJ. We'll have a simple party later to celebrate. You all can thank me now or later, it's up to you.

I am the Law Enforcement whisperer.....

"One who talks sweet does not have an enemy and is blessed with plentiful of wealth and good fortune. ”

- Riq Veda

I'm not one to boast but I have come to believe that I have the most amazing talent in the world (or I'm just amazingly lucky, either way it's pretty sweet). In my 11 years of driving in this precious little town of Napa I've been pulled over 8 times and only received 1 ticket. And I can tell you honestly that every single one of those times I have deserved a ticket, and expected to get one. But for some reason the men and women of the Napa Police and Sheriffs Departments will not give me a ticket. It's a miracle! If you are from Napa, you will know that this is a feat akin to Moses parting the Red Sea. The Napa Fuzz is hardcore!

Saturday, July 5th. 9:45pm

After stopping to watch some lovely fireworks along the Silverado Trail my friends an I were bee-boppin' down the Silverado Trail when suddenly, out of nowhere, there's a big white fluffy demon dog in the road. AHHHH! I swerve to avoid hitting it and punch it to get the heck outta there. My heart is now pumping about a kagillion miles a minute and I continue to step on the gas, we're now speeding down the Silverado Trail in excess of 80mph. We just pass Darioush when my heart rate returns to normal.

Two minutes from home, I'm breathing easy now but still speeding. I glance in my rear view mirror to see the all too familiar lights of Napa's Finest. I take my foot off the gas and cruise on over tot the side of the road. I dig for my license while Jerome (yeah that's a fake name) digs through my glove compartment for my registration.

**TAP TAP TAP***

"Where's the fire young lady?" Very upset looking officer says leaning over my driver side window.

"Home." I say, my voice filled with 'please don't take me to jail'.

"I'm going to need you license and registration..."

I hand him my ID, proof of insurance and registration looking very shameful. He walks back to his cruiser to check them. I take a deep breath and look over at my passengers and tell them, "I'm for sure going to get a ticket......" The car is silent and the Officer returns to the window.

"Please step out of the car Miss."

HO-LY CRAP!!! I can't believe it, I'm going to jail, oh crap oh crapity shit fuck.......

"Now step over her and we are going to do a little test. Feet and ankles together and I want you to follow the tip of my pen with your eyes......" Says the Officer while he shines his bright ass flashlight in my face. Keep in mind this guy looks like Officer Farva from Super Troopers, meow. He starts the test and I LOCK my eyeballs onto the pen cap following side to side, up and down and in a circle until it kind of hurts. "Alright you can go back to your car."

Flashlight down and I can breathe again. I scurry back to my car leaving him with a very shameful "thank you". I get back in the car and turn to my friends "The good news is I'm not drunk." I get two very tentative smiles but that's good enough given the situation.

I hear the Officer's footsteps coming back toward the car and turn to the window to become nose to paper with my ID, Insurance and registration. I slowly take them back from him, again looking very very shameful. Then the magic happens "I'm going to save you a couple hundred dollars since you've been so nice. You just try and keep it under the speed of sound."

IT'S A 5th of July MIRACLE!!!
Bless you Officer Farva you big beautiful man!!!

Then I drove my ever so slightly buzzed ass home. :)

Moral of the Story:

Saying thank you, even if it's to The Man from time to time, will get you out of a jam 99% of the time.